The Parting Glass, or The Joyous Life of a Thousand Goodbyes

Oh all the money that e'er I had / I spent it in good company

And all the harm that e'er I've done / Alas it was to none but me

And all I've done for want of wit / To memory now I can't recall

So fill to me the parting glass / Goodnight and joy be with you all

Oh all the comrades that e'er I've had / are sorry for my going away

And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had / would wish me one more day to stay

But since it falls unto my lot / That I should rise and you should not

I'll gently rise and I'll softly call / Goodnight and joy be with you all

Doctor and author Atul Gawande spoke last month at the Bryan Lecture Series about the effects of age, and the effect of proximity of death - really, the increased uncertainty regarding the risk of loss which age and some other conditions bring - on people’s perceived well-being and happiness. Dr. Gawande cites a study out of Stanford that shows fairly conclusively that the closer people are to the uncertainty of life - either to the end of their own life or to situations and circumstances that increase the possibility that life will soon end - the happier they are, the more they appreciate life. If you haven't yet read his book on this topic, "Being Mortal," then I commend it to you. 

I got to hang out this weekend with a fine bunch of Americans - men that don't need to read a book to appreciate the essence of Gawande's insights. Greater appreciation for life results from increased proximity to uncertainty regarding death? I think we call that sometimes wisdom.  It would be an unsurprising observation to many of These Men, no longer quite as young as they once were but still just as fine and full of spirit. 

Reflecting on the weekend, I want to tell them this, in ways that is hard to do over a beer or in a large ballroom: There is really no one else in this country that is as well equipped to live a joyous life as you guys are.  You have been there and you have seen the elephant, and you have come back. And whether it was through your own courage or plain dumb luck or directly due to the sacrifice of another - whether you deserve to be here or whether you do not deserve to be here -  it doesn’t matter.  You’re here.  You have an opportunity to live a joyous life.  You have learned, or had the opportunity to learn, how precious life is, how fleeting it can be, but also how glorious it can be in that uncertainty.  

The new Star Wars movie is coming out, a couple trailers released. I like many other males of a certain vintage have watched with pleasure these trailers and am excited to see the movie come out. I saw the third and final trailer just last week, right before heading to Las Vegas, and it’s a moving piece and it’s exciting.  It stirs the blood partly because you know what came before, you’ve seen all the movies, and to see a saga like that carried on is phenomenal.  But Jesus, there was one scene in that movie that spoke to me in a way that I’m not sure really spoke to many people.  Fleeting scene.  Here it is, cued up to the right spot (1:31):

Did you see - it's only a few seconds, 1:31 to 1:36. Have you ever shaken somebody’s hand in a moment like this?  Have you once been a warrior, walking off to the field of battle, and passed a fellow warrior headed out and stopped and said, "I need to shake this man’s hand one more time.  I need to look him in the eye and say I am proud to shake his hand and tell him to go off and do his job."  Yes, you have.  And the gaze between the two men, burning over the short distance, the clasp of hands pausing in a hectic moment. It was worth your time to stop and shake their hand, and that – whether the director intended that or not, whether he understood that or not, these actors nailed it. Fighter pilots scrambling to alert out on the tarmac; bombing crews huddling one last time before they go to their navigation seat, bombardier stations, ball turret guns; infantrymen leaving the wire on patrol.

You know that hand shake.  You’ve had a last hand shake with somebody. And it was worth it to say goodbye, so many other times when it turned out to be unnecessary.  Because once or twice, it was the last chance you had to shake That Man's hand. The Joyous Life of a Thousand Goodbyes.

It's hard to get together after 10+ years. It's hard to discover - almost surprisingly - that you are as at home with this group as you are with anyone else in the human race, because you know this weekend will be fleeting, and there will then be a void when it is over.  It's even harder still to part ways again, uncertain when in the next decade you will again have the chance to stand shoulder to shoulder with These Men. It was overwhelmingly therapeutic to see nearly 100 of our alumni answering this new call to arms: to reassemble and reminisce over scotch, cigars, and warm hazy memories of the finest days of our young lives, and the finest of us that did not return.

Best men I've ever known. Best job I ever had.

Goodnight, and joy be with you all 

Tar Heels On Hand

Tar Heels on Hand,
To steal the Thunder from the Sky:
Then take our stand,
As every man does right by Blue and White,
We'll give the Tar Heels a Hand,
And cheer them on to do or die (Yeah!)
All of us are for U.N.C.
and you can betcha we're proud to be
the Tar Heels on Hand!

We all trucked down to William R. Kenan Memorial Stadium in Chapel Hill last weekend, to cheer our beloved Tar Heels to victory over the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest University. It sure was nice to have all these new Tar Heels On Hand as a family for the first time!

Three Future Tar Heels, Born and Bred

We got  everybody all dressed up in their Carolina garb - boy do we have a lot of it - and headed over to link up with Bud and Nana at Fearrington Village, where they were enjoying a long weekend of rest and relaxation. It was one of those classically gorgeous fall days in Chapel Hill, and we sat around all afternoon at Fearrington just enjoying being together.

A quick trip up to Chapel Hill, parked at the Boathouse and the kids got a kick out of riding the Bus into town. Had a tailgate at the Bell Tower with the NCBA and then on to our seats. We managed to snag some pompoms, and everyone had a blast cheering the 'Heels on to victory!

Fare Thee Well

Now this is a movie I can look forward too:

If I had wings like Noah's dove / I'd fly up the river to the one I love
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

I've got a man, he's long and tall / Moves his body like a cannon ball
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

One of these days and it won't be long / Call my name and I'll be gone
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

I remember one night, in the pouring rain / In my heart was an aching pain
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

When I wore my apron low / Couldn't keep you from my do'
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

Now I wear my apron high / Scarcely ever see you passing by
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

Now my apron's up to my chin / You pass my door and you won't come in
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

If I had listened to what my mama said / I'd be at home in my mama's bed
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

Sissy sings a lullaby

Matilda and I were talking about something as we drove home from lunch when we realized she was singing and the boys were listening.

Sweet Baby [Samuel] James

Goodnight you moon light ladies / rock-a-bye sweet baby James.

Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose / won't you let me go down in my dreams?

And rock-a-bye sweet baby James

We celebrated the Second Birthday of young Samuel James this weekend, and what a festive occasion it was!

At Hardee's waiting on his Birthday Biscuit

This was the third "Second Birthday" celebration we've had in the last 3 years - Jack in Jan 2011, Caroline in 2012, Sam in 2014. You could almost say that we are "old hands" at this point, and the phrase "they just grow up so fast" must have been originated specifically in reference to third children. Sam just seems to be growing up faster than the other tow by a fair margin, like he's trying to catch up with the ones that had a head start. It just seems like he talks more and sees more than I remember the others doing at that age - he certainly is more opinionated. 

And I have never seen a child relish so deeply being a "big kid" - running around screaming "get out of the way.. coming through," playing rough-and-tumble with his big siblings, pushing his Dad and his Bud around with a half-grin, half-growl - and at the very same time cherish being the baby of the family - knowing that at every turn, mom or dad or bro or sis or Bud or Nana will scoop him up in a hug and baby the pants off of him. Sam is the epitome of the one that somehow manages to "have his cake and eat it too."

We descended on Bud and Nana's for the weekend, with Nana's kitchen table decked out with trains galore, Thomas and Percy and especially James. In the finest of Shaw family traditions, we dined on Weber-brand grilled hotdogs and hamburgers, with yellow cake and chocolate icing (of course). Nana ably decorated the cake with the likeness of Thomas the Train, and Sam even managed to blow out one of the candles by himself (despite fearsome competition from a helpful older brother.

Sammy especially enjoyed playing with his new soccer goals, which he got to watch Bud and Nana break in amidst several glasses of wine. Eventually, even Sam got to play with it once or twice.

 This little rugrat is really something else. It seems to me, amazingly enough, that he somehow falls right in the middle of the spectrum of the other two children. Which is good, since he has both of them to deal with on a regular basis. He is tough as can be - he was running so fast at the HogFest BBQ Festival that he fell down and smacked his face on the ground. All he said to me when I walked over to him was "Brush me off," presumably so he could back to running around trying to catch up with Jack and Caroline. And at the same time, he is caring and perceptive enough to come over and ask "You ok, Daddy?" when Sandy-dog- nipped my finger during a hotdog grabbing contest. He is independent and dependent in an endearingly funny way - we were headed out to eat with the Beans and Sam was snuggled up with cousin Lois on the couch - when I leaned over he dutifully kissed me goodbye, and then said "Go daddy - go away." Probably so he could go back to sucking his thumb and cozying up to the babysitter. That little rascal.

So many great memories from this weekend, and so much promise in this young man of just two years old. Sam loved the rides around the block with Bud in the little red car or in the back yard in the wheelbarrow, reading books with Nana, chasing Sandy-dog around on all fours and growling with a crazy smile on his face.

Keep going and slow down at the same time, young fella. I can't wait to see what the next year brings!

Tattooed on my Soul

Great song came on the rotation when I was pulling into work today. Had to just stop and sit and listen.

--

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

I wonder if there's no forever / No walking hand in hand

Down a yellow brick road / To never never land

These days I get to where I'm going / Make it there eventually

Follow the trail of breadcrumbs / To where I'm meant to be

To where I'm meant to be

I don't know what brought you to me / That was up to you

There's so many come to see me / Who want their own tattoo

I fixed a needle in a holder / Laid my hand upon your spine

And there upon your shoulder / I drew the picture as your sign

When I think about us / I see the picture that we made

The picture to remind us / True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

I worked the rowdies and day trippers / Now and then I think of you

Any which way we're all shufflin' / Forward in the queue

They like to move my operation / They like to get me off the pier

And I dream I'm on a steamer / Pullin' outta here

When I think about us / I see a picture that we made

The picture to remind us / True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

True love will never fade

--Mark Knopfler (2007)

Tiny Tim the Tiny Turtle

I have a little turtle, his name is Tiny Tim

I put him in the bathtub so he could take a little swim

He drank up all the water

He ate up all the soap

Now he's sitting in the bathtub with a bubble in his throat!

Bubble bubble bubble, bubble bubble bubble,

Bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble Pop!

#PandoraFail #I'mGettingOld

Thank you @Pandora for dropping an Adam&Eve advert in between Duane Allman's "Melissa" & "Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress) by the Hollies

— Stephen F Shaw (@stephenfshaw) May 2, 2012

2/2 My toddlers in the back seat enjoyed the busty blonde in the teddy & the very breathless voice-over #PandoraFail #SwitchingToGoogleMusic

— Stephen F Shaw (@stephenfshaw) May 2, 2012

All In

I wouldn't call myself a gambler, but I've been known to make a wager from time to time. I would say my betting style is fairly modest - I mainly play Blackjack, and I usually just move the chips around in a circle, all things considered, and count myself lucky if i got a few hours of good entertainment without losing a substantial amount of money. But there have been a few occasions when I've pushed the whole stack forward on a hunch, and I'd be lying to you if I said the outcome had anything to do with something other than just pure dumb luck on my part.

*** 

One of the things I love about music: the moment when you hear a song for the first time, and it is just the perfect song for the moment. Something about the lyrics, the cadence, the tone of the singer's voice that is just so, like you can see the glimmer of a half-smile on his face, or a wistful stare. And you get that feeling that every excellent songwriter must long to achieve, that sense that "this song must have been written about the one I love."

*** 

Take my wife, for instance. If you went back through my life, talked to the people that knew me in high school, my parents and sisters, drinking buddies from college and the Marine Corps - they would all have looked at Doc and said "No way, Shaw. Not in your wildest effing dreams." One young man in college, not knowing what he was talking about but hitting close to center mass just the same, remarked: "You know, if you got her to go out with you, that would be a victory for guys like us all over the world." That's the truth. 

*** 

One of the things I love about Pandora: the way you can plug in a song you lie and get some really great music, not too many repeats, even fewer commercials. Just really good tunes that take you to the place you want to go. Hooking Pandora up in my car was one of the best things I ever did, i was so sick of Top 40 radio and too busy to make new mix tapes - er, CDs.. And on top of it, every now and again you hear a new song, not just from another album of an artist you already love, but a whole new song. And rarely, it is the song that you had been needing to hear, the one that was actually written about the one you love and puts every inexpressible thing you've been feeling and thinking into words, and puts those words to music, and rocks it out over your car stereo while you hurtle down the highway, grinning from ear to ear.

***

Well it rained every day for a week / We had pots and pans and cans everywhere there was a leak

The sheetrock in the living room came down in one big sheet / on the couch, and the TV, and you and me

I tell you what we need to do / remember that above the clouds, the sky is always blue

If I was a betting man, I tell you what I'd do / I'd bet it all on me and you

We put every dime we had in that old car / but it's getting hard to count on 'cause it's getting hard to start

We're better off to walk these days if it ain't all that far / To the place we gotta be, you and me

I tell you what we need to do / remember that above the clouds, the sky is always blue

If I was a betting man, I tell you what I'd do / I'd bet it all on me and you

*** 

I haven't had much inclination to gamble recently, these last 5 years since I've been married. When you realize you just won a gazillion bucks by by throwing all your chips on the woman of your dreams, stacking quarters on some cheap felt with people you don't know just seems like a waste of time. I'd rather go home and count my winnings from the big game.

   

Wonder

There are some songs that I hear, and I just can't help but think of one particular person that I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with....

***

There's a song in my soul for the sun going down / When it dies at the end of the day 

With the sadness descending as soft as the sound / Of the light that was slipping away

The heavens above me seemed empty and gray / As dreams that won't ever come true 

Then the star-spangled glory of love fill the skies / And my heart with the wonder of you 

Pretty berries I carried to you / Pretty flowers still holding your hand 

Pretty reasons for dreams coming true / And for doing the best that you can 

I swear to be thankful the rest of my days / And worthy of whatever I do

For the chance I was given to live and believe / In the love and the wonder of you 

                                         -Wonder, Kris Kristofferson

***

Thank you, Doc - for being my sunrise and sunset.

Just a Lucky So-and-so..

Bud got some quality time with Caroline over Christmas at our family's traditional _Jazz Brunch_. (and by Jazz, we mainly mean just Ella and Louis)

The Wreck of the Old No. 9

Of course, you have all heard the story of the Wreck of the Old Number Nine, the classic Jim Reeves ballad:

But what you probably didn't know is that, instead of an unexpected oncoming train, the real cause of the disaster was a devious toddler in charge of the track controls that day:

Sons and Daughters

If you haven't been listening to the Decemberists, Cousin I think you might be missing out. I had already stumbled across them a couple of years ago, specifically 2 other songs from The Crane Wife, their first "big label" album. I'm sure I found them on NPR's All Songs Considered, where they topped the charts in 2006's "Best Album of the Year" alongside no less than Regina Spektor, Tom Waits, Dylan and Neko Case (NB: NPR listeners have great taste, always a good way to find new stuff).

But as chance and life would have it, I never followed up on that find, and missed out on this gem until it popped up on my Littlest Birds station on Pandora. This may or may not be your genre, but it is tight, energetic, lilting, and just plain good. By the time the quavery lead voice and the cymbals and the music crescendo in to the last 30 seconds, I just can't help but smile. Plain old feel-good music.

School's Out For Summer!

Done, sir, done. No more pencils, no more books. No more teachers' dirty looks..

Alice Cooper has said he was inspired to write the song when answering the question, "What's the greatest three minutes of your life?". Cooper said: "There's two times during the year. One is Christmas morning, when you're just getting ready to open the presents. The greed factor is right there. The next one is the last three minutes of the last day of school when you're sitting there and it's like a slow fuse burning. I said, 'If we can catch that three minutes in a song, it's going to be so big.'"

School's out for summer / School's out for ever ...

Now I just have the bar exam to worry about. No big deal, yo.

Happy Birthday, Banjo Paterson!

Today, this blog pays tribute to the Australian A.B. "Banjo" Paterson, the original author of the folk song "Waltzing Matilda." Banjo was born on Feb 17th, 1864, and also wrote the famous poem "The Man From Snowy River," later made into a movie.

Incidentally, this is also the birthday of Thomas Malthus, noted British economist and evidently the co-inspiration for most of Andre Bauer's opinions on welfare and free school lunches. Mr. Bauer's other inspiration? His grandma.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town!

It's finally that time of year again - lights are on houses, the garland's on lintels, festive wreaths garnish candle-lit windows - and in the yards of some of our more tasteless neighbors, those big stupid inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. Well, at least out-of-towners aren't yet paying good money just to tour the neighboorhood.

Christmas is one of the finest times of the year, much like Independence Day smack in the middle of summer. Solstice is just around the corner, gingerbread and nutmeg cookies start popping up in the kitchen, the air has that certain snap (when it's not raining). Children go to sleep dreaming of sugarplum fairies, parents scheme and plan to get things just right. Everyone looks forward to family, food and fun that so characterize the season. But you know what is the absolute best thing about Christmas?



Santa's coming...

AND HE'S COMING TO OUR HOUSE!!!

(not everyone is quite as excited as Jack).

Happy Holidays!

All Songs Considered: NPR's Best Songs of 2009

I love NPR. Everytime I get so tired of the s-o-s that is on conventional radio (read: ClearChannel Comm.) and the same top 40 country and pop and rock and whatnot, I suddenly realize that I should be listening to NPR and WUNC (also, WNCW!) That lasts for a week or so until I'm stuck in traffic and want to hear why and I switch back to something else.

One of the great features of NPR is the website, where they archive previous features so you can go back and listen to that really neat Story or All Things Considered you heard while driving but couldn't write down. Or even, the new song you heard and you have no idea how to find it again. Imagine my glee when a good friend pointed me to this: NPR Listener's Best Songs of 2009.

Really, this is a good list - The Avett Bros., Neko Case, The Decemberists, Wilco, Regina Spektor - plus a bunch of others. This will be on my playlist for some time.

Reader Challenge: Post to comments with your favorite song / album of 2009, or alternatively the CD (mild laughter) that you want most for Xmas.