Wednesday, September 2, 2009

In the moment

I'm not sure a person can truly appreciate what they have until it's gone, at least not in the fullest sense. I say that because I see the misty wistful look in the eyes of older mothers who comment at grocery stores or church or at family gatherings at how sweet my little one is and how much I should enjoy this time with him. I can almost recite what they will say before I hear their words because it is such a common theme. Because of that, I've had a keen sense of time since January 28th when Jackson polished up my world into a shiny amazing new life. Even in the middle of the night when none of us have slept in days, I still have a faint grasp, however sleepily tethered it is, that this too will be a moment I will want to come back to in the years ahead.

But tonight, while lying side by side on the floor in the late afternoon sun, making Jackson belly laugh by rubbing noses and letting him hug my head with his arms and legs in pure glee, I had almost an out of body experience. I felt my "older mother" coming out, the one that will watch him drive off to college rocking gently back and forth as if I can still bundle him up and keep him safely in my arms. I watched us play the most innocent and loving of games. I watched us enjoy the eye contact that unconditional love can make and roll around in our simple rolls as mother and child. And I said a prayer that I will never, ever, in all my days on this earth, forget this moment and how it feels to make my son happy just by being his mother and being close by.

I do believe we are all blessed with amazing gifts but some of us are also blessed with the ability to appreciate them in the moment, before they are just memories in our hearts. I am so thankful that I have at least some sense of how rich our young lives are and I hope that, even in the hard times that are most assuredly ahead, we will continue to find the joy in the present.

Rachel Garrison of Tamara Lackey Photography, who is by far the most talented artist I have ever known, has a fantastic job. She captures these such moments on film for families to enjoy for lifetimes beyond themselves. She has managed to chronicle our sweet little family's joy in the most unpretentious and honest of images that we treasure dearly. These are the moments we will cherish forever.

May you have countless moments daily when you can *almost* appreciate how good you've got it.


Rachel_Garrison said...

Woman, your way with words *almost* makes it a shame you spend so much of your days saving lives. My makeup is runny and my freshly shaven legs are no longer. You are incredible, and your ability to revel and give thanks in the present is (to me) your most beautiful quality. I love you.

Heather said...

weepy over here in Philly.
love it. just love it.