Nature vs Nuture

Since our daughter was born and came out instantly and distinctly opposite from her brother, I am more and more falling into the Nature category when it comes to how much of a person's personality is born into them, so to speak.  Because of this, I have been able to relax a little and just enjoy seeing our children blossom into their fullest and God-given potential.  Unfortunately, Matilda doesn't quite share my same view.

For example, while on a lovely walk through the woods yesterday, Matilda continually pointed out what he considered to be obvious, interesting, and wonderful man-things to our son.  The centipede, while it drew rapt attention,did not stir the same Oh-Cool-Let-Me-Touch-It feelings Matilda thought it wound.  Disheartened, he went for pointing out small fish in the lake but again, it was "too dirty" for junior to want to dip his toes in.  Even the moss on his walking stick was just too much for our fastidious little boy to take and it had to be completely removed before he would touch it.  But, perhaps, the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was the frog.  Yes, a sweet, tiny, jumping frog crossed our path. Matilda lit up like a boy scout earning his Kiss a Toad badge.  He quickly scooped up the frog in his hand and proudly and excitedly knelt to show his son the wonder of this creature only to have Jack run screaming as if Stephen had shown him a rabid foaming skunk. 

"It's because you always talk about everything eating him," Matilda grumbled as he released the amphibian with deflated emotion.  Moi?  Ok, so we play the What-animals-will-eat-you game frequently for fun.  Personally, knowing which animals to avoid due to risk of deadly harm seems to be just good parenting skills but Hubby thinks it has caused crossed wires and made our son, our cried-at-his-shadow-for-the-first-year-of-his-life little boy, a sissy.  I did point out that frog, centipede, and large sticks with moss were on the Safe list, which seemingly should have only reinforced positive and secure feelings, but I was again shot down for "engendering fear."  I again pointed out that our daughter, whom we made in a similar fashion as our son and is privy to all "yes, sharks will eat you" conversations has pounced on and devoured many a crawling insect and had no problem heading straight for the Parana-infested lake water. 

In the words of the now-famous and incredibly weird Lady GaGa, our tender-hearted little boy was just born this way.  He will never be an adventure seeker. He will always play close to the house, swim next to the boat, and generally avoid most creatures with more than 4 legs.  But, personally, as a mother, I find this behavior reassuring and quite a blessing as I just don't have to worry about him playing with the Black Widow that lives in front door.  Plus, he will also most likely be incredibly strong, amazingly creative, hilariously joyous, and as gentle, adoring, and protective of his family as his father is with us.    

At the lake

From the Department of Relaxation Department:

My efforts at sleeping in  this morning were stymied by a mind that is used to waking up at 6 every single day of the last 2 years, so I rolled out to the pool at 8 this morning with the NY Times that was delivered to our room at the Old Edwards Inn. This Highlands retreat is pretty incredible - and the pool is no exception. Built into a stone lined courtyard, surrounded by hemlock and laurel blossoms and sky, the lukewarm saltwater is relaxation itself. Being the first one there makes it even better. 

Mother's Day

Finally getting around to putting up some pictures from Mother's Day 2011, now 2 weeks late. It was a pretty durn good day - somehow, it just keeps getting better.

 

 

I don't know how on Earth I got so lucky to have a family like this. Thank you for making it happen, Mama.

Berry Juice

 

Having kids has allowed me the sweet return to absolute wonder.  I wish I had gotten on video Jack's face today when I handed him a basket at Rudd Farm and showed him the row of strawberries that were all his to harvest.  Dinner plates, those eyes were.  It didn't take him long to figure out if he stuck his finger into the side of the berry while picking it then I would request he not put it into the basket so it just had to be eaten.

  

"Oops, Jack eat this one, Momma?" is something I must have heard at least a dozen times today.  $7 for a giant basket of the sweetest freshest strawberries I've ever eaten.  Can't beat that.  Hello summer. I'm so glad you're here.

 

The Many Faces of Jack

This is from several months ago, but I just found it and it cracks me up:

Reflections

There is some good stuff percolating out there on the impact of Bin Laden. Make sure you read past the CNN and MSNBC and FOX commentary to the opinions of folks that make this their life's work. Here's sampling:

Rebecca Zimmerman has a great post on Small Wars Journal from which I borrowed the title of this entry:

But as I examine the reasons much of America is celebrating I cannot find justification for such brash, self-congratulatory cheer. And I am not alone, those friends of mine who have shouldered the greatest burdens of the last decade are somber and qualified in their reactions. 

To view Osama bin Laden as the gravitational center of global Islamist terrorism is to see the world as it was a decade ago. Terrorism and (mercifully) counterterrorism have evolved profoundly since then.

And Andrew Exum at Abu Muqawama notes the evolution of Abbottabad from Desert One:

Second, the reason we have some of these special operations capabilities -- specifically, the special missions units, the aviation unit, the headquarters element, and all the units that have not yet made the news and will not -- and the reason they work together so well is because you are witnessing the late stages of an evolutionary process that began in a cold desert base in Iran some three decades ago. You cannot understand why the U.S. military was able to execute this extraordinary operation deep in the heart of Pakistan without first understanding the failures of Iran in 1980. I've got Tim Harford's new book Adapt: Why Success Always Starts with Failure on my desk right now, and I'm thinking Tim should add our special operations forces as a case study in time for the paperback. 

Marc Ambinder and Jeremy Scahill, meanwhile, have primers on the organization and units behind the operations that I can't really comment on, but I will say that whenever people ask me to explain the task force, I don't say a word and simply point them here. (you gotta check out this link)

Finally, to keep some perspective, the Voice of America has this recap of AQ leadership:

KILLED:
Osama bin Laden, Saudi. Al-Qaida founder.
Abu Laith al-Libi, Libyan. Al-Qaida operative.
Omar al-Farouq, Kuwaiti. Al-Qaida operations chief for Southeast Asia.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Jordanian. Al-Qaida in Iraq leader.

CAPTURED:
Ramzi bin al-Shibh, Yemeni. 9/11 planner.
Abu Faraj al-Libbi, Libyan. Senior al-Qaida operative.
Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, Kuwaiti. Suspected 9/11 mastermind.
Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri, Saudi. Al-Qaida operations chief in the Gulf region.
Abu Zubaydah, Palestinian. One of Osama bin Laden's top lieutenants.

AT LARGE:
Ayman al-Zawahiri, Egyptian. Age - 59.
Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah, Egyptian. Age - late 40s.
Saif al-Adel, Egyptian. Age about 50.
Anwar al-Awlaki, US/Yemeni citizen. 40 years old.
Adam Yahiye Gadahn. American convert to Islam. Age 32.
Sulaiman Abu Ghaith, Kuwaiti.
Ali Saed Bin Ali El-Hoorie, Saudi. Age 45.
Anas al-Liby (also known as Nazih Abdul-Hamed al-Raghie), Libyan. Age late 40s.
Fazul Abdullah Mohammed, Comoros Islands national. Age late 30s.
Fahd Mohammed Ahmed al-Quso, Yemeni. Age 36.

My Thoughts on Bin Laden

I first heard about Bin Laden this morning on the way to work. Doc got out the driveway before me, then backed up with her window down a said “We killed Osama.” I smiled, gave a little fist pump and said “Awesome.” Then I got in the car and went to work.

I enjoyed catching NPR’s coverage on the way in to Elon, and quickly scanned the blogs and news feeds (Small Wars Journal, Opinio Juris, Abu Muquwama, CFR.org and the regular collection of bureaus) for what details were percolating up about this.. What struck me immediately in the comments to these articles, trending on Facebook and Twitter, and in discussion forums was the meathead, ugly American, “we got him and you can rot in hell, Islam” attitude that suddenly came to the forefront of so many people’s minds. I guess this underscores how sensitive an issue Osama Bin Laden represents. Apparently not so sensitive that many people (prior to today) gave it much thought in their day to day fretting over jobs, the economy, the price of gas, the 2012 election, Lindsey Lohan, etc. I guess the spontaneous celebrations are more of an emotional response by people looking for a bright spot in the news. I'll say I prefer a more considered, thoughtful, and insightful response of people that have worried and worked for years over these ideas and the role of America's power in the world. But of them all I liked Andrew Exum's post the best, about his gathering at the bar Sunday night for the press conference, because it hits close to home:

We went around, all of the veterans, each of us naming friends we had lost. I offered up Joel Cahill's name, and then that of Joe Fenty. I thought of the wives and young daughters those two men left behind, and I thought of so many more men and women who I never got the chance to know but who have given their lives since 2001.

I had told myself for years that the death of Osama bin Laden would not mean anything. Decapitation campaigns against sophisticated, mature terrorist networks, I knew, rarely yield strategic effects. But standing in that Washington bar, I was overcome with emotion.

If you consider the single-minded dedication with which the task force responsible for yesterday’s accomplishment has worked over the last decade, I think this reaction of the general public is a bit out of place. Certainly, those guys deserve a beer and a chance to celebrate. But I suspect, quiet professionals that they are, and given the investment they have in the mission in regards to training, lost friends, lost time at home, etc, that they will not be parading around waving the American flag and singing God Bless America on the steps of the White House. In fact, my first thought after “Awesome” was a quiet word of thanks to those guys and their families – not that there is no more work to do, but just the relief of a job - this job - well done. I bet among those gallant men there is some reflection, a strong sense of satisfaction, a remembrance of those lost along the way, and then a desire to kit up and get back out there.

As the details unfold of the mission, you’ll hear that they mocked-up a full scale compound for months of raid practice, (much like the Son Tay raid) and then had to pivot on the objective when an airframe had a mech failure. These are the best and brightest of America, as much or more as the denizens of any other tech, investment, industry or education sector of our county. You'll also hear about the intelligence yield from our program at Guantanamo and elsewhere, and the persistence and patience of our collection community in the targeting and planning of this operation. Try to remember about this stuff when you go back to your day to day lives and the worries that accompany them.

Now that everyone is paying attention to the War on Terror again, questions resurface about the character of our fight. What does this change? Certainly it is not the end, or even a big shift in the meaning of Al Qaida – AQ 2.0 has been in the game for several years and seems to have already executed their succession plan when Bin Laden was driven deep to hiding following Anaconda. Organized international terrorism is still a persistent and existential threat for the foreseeable future – instability across the globe still has the potential to breed unrest and sanctuaries in regions that we do not engage in a productive manner.  Will we continue to pay a billion (seriously) dollars a year to Pakistan? I bet not.

I do think that the one key achievement of the killing of Bin Laden is this - the US is now free to exit Afghanistan on the terms of our choosing, defining military and diplomatic goals, and even victory, free of the symbolic albatross that has hung ‘round our necks for so long. I haven't seen this mentioned much - perhaps it is just obvious. But this is really the #win in my mind – that the guys with 1/5 deployed to Sangin can go about their mission of engagement and COIN and stability operations – even “nation-building” – not as a placeholder for the greatest manhunt in our history, but because it is our enunciated national security policy. Or, if it is not, they can come home. But we can have that national conversation about what is an important exercise of our wealth, and power, and blood, independent of any iconic search for evil.

Hopefully this will also raise to the surface the continued work ethic and incredible sacrifice of our fellow citizens in uniform. If you have not heard of LtGen John Kelly, he has some particularly poignant remarks on the investment that these folks and their families have made in the future of our nation, at great peril to themselves and with increasingly little awareness of their real involvement. A friend reminded me just this weekend of one such example from my old haunt of Ramadi, where two young Marines from different worlds went face-to-face with the devil with fingers on the trigger. Cpl Yale and LCpl Haerter received the Navy Cross, posthumously, for their intrepidity, valor and dedication, but we don’t talk often enough about how important that spirit of service is to America. And we should, every day, consider that there are folks we call our neighbors that do not run from their post. Not for how long it takes to get the job done, if it takes 10 years or 6 seconds.

Semper Fidelis.

Just hanging out

Caroline tries to kiss her big brother while Jack "Cheese's" for the camera.

Entire album is here.

Joy Unconfined

I heard a clip on NPR the other day interviewing the author of Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids. It has really resonated with me, not because he said anything that I didn't already believe to be true, but it has just helped me to understand exactly why Matilda and I are so content just to spend the day with our children. And the next day, and the day after that one. They are just so much fun, it is almost indescribable.  


Take today, for instance.  We woke up shortly after the sun came peeking up over the edge of the earth and immediately began watching highlights of the Royal Wedding per the request of His Royal Highness Jackson, who adamantly wanted to see "the horsies and soldiers" again. (Matilda: "At least he wasn't interested in the dress..").  We counted out Cheerios that were split equally amongest ourselves and the dog, then dressed and headed over to Country Park for the NF Charity Walk.  Met up with friends, played on the playground, walked the 5K, and ate our very first snowcone, which was a huge (and not too terribly messy) hit.  Lunch with Matilda and a family nap and then playtime in the back yard watering flowers and swinging in the hammock. Phrases of week seem to be primarily "Hi there, I missed you today"  "Momma, what cha doing?" "Momma, no talk to Jack." "No, no poop. Just gas" and my favorite one to date, "Bye bye, I love you."  There were no schizophrenic meltdowns or pooptastrophies today and both children were generally communicative and adorable.



After naptime, we decided to take the kids over to Bicentennial Park to get some photos in the beautiful afternoon sun. We weren't the only ones with that idea, though. Apparently it's Prom Day in Greensboro, so hundreds of gowned, perfumed, corsaged teenaged couples were swarming the park, many with their own professional photographers following them with large reflectors and cameras the size of small satellites. While I am appalled that Prom has become akin to wedding status with the extended cab humvees and for-hire personal paparazzi, I am pleased to see that the dress style has returned to a more appropriate length from just a few years past (yes, I recognize I am becoming an old lady prude).  



As we played in the dirt with our dumptruck and ate enough mulch to constipate a buffalo, I couldn't help but sneak peeks at the high school hubbabaloo going on just a few flower gardens away.  As entertaning as the dresses were to watch, it's the parents that I really was drawn to. Every once in awhile, I would catch eyes with one that was no doubt wondering how they had gotten from my position to theirs in such a blink of an eye.  


I know the next 18 years are going to fly by even faster than the last 27 months have.  I wonder if other mothers feel the same overwhelming and sometimes crippling need to fine Father Time and beg him to slow down.   I can't help but wonder what those mothers at the park this afternoon were thinking.  I pray it was a happy nostalgia for a wonderful past but an excited anticipation and hope for what continues to lie ahead.  So far, it has only gotten more and more fun to watch these littles ones come into their own. 

“On with the dance! Let Joy be unconfined.” 

The Eve of Waterloo, Lord Byron

Jack Meets Baxter

This video is from Shaw's birthday at the beginning of April. Fortunately, the Duncan's cat Baxter is very patient with inquisitive little children who want him to go outside during a thunderstorm.

The Easter Bunny Strikes Again

Well, despite the very best intentions of our sugar-pushing Bud and Nana, we had an amazingly fun and uneventful Easter weekend in Spartanburg. The kids were funny, slept well, and good food and company abounded. If only Kim had not been bed-ridden sick for 36 hours, it would have been perfect, but it was pretty darn close. 

Caroline in particular came into her own, enjoying the occasion for girly-dress-up time and charming everyone with her pleasant non-smiling gazes of affection. She is a sweetheart, and I think Bud is hooked.

 

'course, Nana looks pretty good when she dresses up in her Sunday finest, so Sissy may yet have some competition for who gets to share the easy chair on Easters to come.

72 hours of running, laughing, screaming Happy Jack are more than the normal animal can stand without repeatedly breaking into a grin. Even if it was induced by continual application of chocolate bunnies and plastic eggs full of jelly bellies, he was a blast to be with. 

  

I got the first real extended taste of a boy with an energy level and vocabulary that are both about to explode to the next level - if he wasn't sleeping, he was on the go, exploring, pretending, running, sliding, and talking like mad trying to describe and relate everything that was happening around him. I told Nana that Jack was adorable, and he turned around and said "Adorable Jack" - he doesn't miss a beat. Not only did he feed some goats and deer at the ad hoc petting zoo on the lawn of the Piedmont Club on Sunday morning, but tonight as he was crawling into bed, he was still telling me about the Zebra That Fell Down And Rolled On His Back In The Grass and Whinnied Daddy. Yeah.

 

I sit down to blog tonight (which of course is much delayed) and I think back to all the things he must have experienced, and I sympathize with his occasional bouts of frustration at his still feeble attempt to express his emotions. The experiences and the memories are coming a mile a minute for both of us, and shame on me for having the adept but very adult ability to remember and push aside these memories both at the same time, in the name of getting on with life. Sometimes I wish I could force myself to appreciate each moment as fully as he does, with such import and wonder that I am compelled to repeat it back to myself hours and days later, still marveling at what was done, and that I have the words to describe the memory.

Jack Sleep Big Boy Bed. Night Night.

Open Eggs. Eat. Candy!

See Fire Truck Goes Eee-oh.

Hug Izzy Bye Bye.

Bud Nana Gigi Mama Daddy Sissy Deandog Home. Taylor?

Presents!

Zebra That Fell Down And Rolled On His Back In The Grass and Whinnied Daddy. Yeah.

Keep going little guy. This is fantastic.

Milestone

I have no teeth. I have no hair.

But I can crawl from here to there!

(and I'm thrilled about it)

Wando Shrimp Company

Down behind old Mount Pleasant village, where Shem Creek dumps out into the harbor, is an old ramshackle warehouse with a battered loading dock and wide open bay doors. Walk up into that dark cavernous space, and inside, out of the bright sun sparkling off the crushed oyster driveway, sun wrinkled old men discuss tides and moving bars.

We picked up six pounds of shrimp that just hours earlier had been popping out in these Carolina waters. Lowcountry boil tonight with good friends - man, it doesn't get much better than this.

Location : 438 Shipwatch Villas, Isle of Palms, SC 29451,
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Laughter, the best medicine

Geez, I can't believe it has been almost a month since we blogged. Things have been busy around the Matilda household. It seems like they are starting to settle out a bit, but it is still going to be a long spring push until we get to summer. Not that we have any summer vacations anymore, but a kid can dream, can't he?

In the meantime, the kids have been growing like the dickens. Caroline is almost 8 months old already, which is hard to believe, and will probably be crawling any day now. We are looking forward to heading down to Chuck-town for the Bridge Run in a couple of weeks, which will be a nice break from the last month or two of just sitting around the house and surviving on the weekends while either Doc or Matilda has to work. Most of the time it's been Matilda (thank you, Mother Green).

Anyway, it is high time I shut up and posted some videos, which is what I am sure everyone has been waiting for. So here you go - Jack trying to make Caroline laugh, and succeeding mightily: